*Disclosure* Spicie Foodie is a blog about food and that is why you are here. I never get too personal and never want to use my blog as a therapy session, after all you are here for the food. But this post is not about food but rather my humble way of honoring my best friend. It will be personal, painful and emotional. If that bothers you please come back another time.
As for August’s YBR it is cancelled this month.
Tuesday, August 23rd will forever be one of the saddest and hardest days of our lives, (mine and my husband’s). It was the day that we had to let go of and say goodbye to our best friend. Panchito passed away at home in his daddy’s lap and mommy holding his paw. We stroked his body, looked into his eyes and told him how much we loved him as we painfully watched him take his last breaths. I can’t begin to tell you how hard it was to have to say goodbye knowing we would never again get to touch him, nor kiss him or tell him we love you, no one to greet us at the door. We are heartbroken, we are distraught.
He was always ready to help me style and shoot photos.
My husband and I have each other to comfort one another, cry, share memories and laughs of all the silly Panchito stories. Yet our days are lonely and so quiet without him. It just hurts so much.
The second night without him we had a huge and loud thunderstorm. As I laid there listening to it I could only think about how the sounds described my heartache. The lightning bolts like the stabbing pain I feel in my heart, while the tears wash over me like the heavy rain the storm brings.
Many of you knew of Panchito from the silly posts he inspired me to write, so I thought his passing is something I also needed to write about. But I don’t want to just write about how much pain we feel or how many tears we’ve shed. Panchito had the brightest aura and spirit of anyone, 2 or 4 legged, I know. He didn’t like seeing us sad, upset or crying. So I humbly attempt to honor him by telling you about that special spirt that was our little pup.
Always ready to go
Panchito was not just a dog. He was an unwavering endless heart overflowing with love. He was my compañero or companion. Everyday no matter where I was in the house or what I was doing he was right there beside me. My little shadow keeping an eye on me. The adorable package he came in paired with his sunny disposition was one of a kind. He was my ray of sunshine.
He loved going to the beach
He was always friendly with strange humans and dogs. He happily shared his food and toys with any puppy that came into our home. Often times I saw the surliest of faces light up when he walked up to them with a smile and a very happy tail wag. Panchito was happy and wanted everyone to be so.
At age 6 he had an accident that left him partially paralyzed, we were told he’d never walk again. But such was his spirit, his joie de vivre that one night regardless of the pain he stood himself up and forced his legs to move, to walk again. That determination to walk again was one of the most inspiring things I’ve ever seen. Within a few months he walked as normal as could be. Within a couple of years he was back to jumping in the air nearly as high as my height of 4f 11in.
Never enough hugs from daddy
Everyday he woke up happy. Our mornings were always made brighter when he came over for the mandatory morning hugs, kisses and body rubs. Our days active with family walks, or work breaks to stop and give but most importantly receive some Panchito love. He walked the house making his rounds checking and greeting his mommy and daddy. Meal times he patiently waited to see what treat he would get. In this last year he developed this thing about getting a hug and snuggling with his daddy after dinner, so precious to watch. Bedtime came and I simply needed him by my side or by my feet in order to fall asleep.
Panchito loved KFC chicken, roasted chicken, pepperoni pizza, tuna salad and so many more things. He loved his many beds around the house. He loved his blankets and pillows. He loved sitting on his balcony and on the window sill. He loved to be blow dried after his bath. He loved the snow and wearing his sweaters in the cold. He loved attention, hugs, kisses and hearing he was a good boy. He loved going for family walks and exploring his neighboorhood. He loved his mommy and daddy dearly and missed us every time we walked out the door.
The Tripod
Panchito gave us the best 13 years of our lives. He made us a family. Our whole marriage has always just been the 3 of us. We came to Europe together not knowing anyone, but we were together. My husband described us a stool. It takes 3 legs to steady a stool. Though the stool is very wobbly it is Panchito’s memory and energy that is steading it right now. He was there for me during hard times and always made me feel better. Times as hard as this he would scoot himself into my body to look up at me as though he was telling me everything would be okay. All the love he gave and showed is too grand to put into ordinary words. It is one that only my heart can describe and one that I simply cannot do justice to.
My ray of sunshine
The last month of his life we spoiled him even more than usual, it was like we all knew what was soon to come. The very last hours of his life our sweet puppy though in discomfort still wagged his tail and came over to be touched. He was unselfish, pushed what he was feeling aside and tried to comfort us. His bottomless love was there to the very last breath.
We will miss him the rest of our lives. He left me with the best life lessons like we should appreciate every waking moment of our short lives, we should show and tell our family and friends how much we love them. He taught me never to give up, he thought me to find some joy in everything no matter how hard the situation. He taught me to love deeper.
One of the best Christmas ever
Panchito was buried in a magical meadow under a pine tree. He loved smelling our Christmas trees and the treats that the season brought, a pine tree is so fitting. As he was being buried a fawn slowly walked across the field. It was magical, it was beautiful and it was a reminder of how beautiful and fragile life is. It was a reminder that energy is never destroyed. Panchito’s body may have been buried but that uniquely magical spirit, love, energy that he was will live on forever. I feel it every time I think about him.
Te quiero mucho my amorsito, I miss you so much and I’ll never stop loving you.
A POEM FOR THE GRIEVING…
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die…
-Mary Frye- http://www.pet-loss.net/
I’m so sorry for your loss, Nancy. Such a touching post…I can feel Panchito’s spirit throughout. Hugs to you.
So sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Poor little guy.
We just lost a pet recently too :(
Dear Nancy, i am so sorry for your loss – Panchito appears to be one of the darlingest of dogs and I enjoyed the pictures you’ve shared, esp the TRIPOD – that is priceless – Time alone heals – Sending a prayer and a hug!
Priya
Oh Nancy, I am speechless. I am so sorry to hear about Panchito. It brought back memories of when my cat Mougie died. It was one of the saddest moments, but luckily no one and nothing can take away my memories. I know that you prob. do not want to hear that now, but you have been blessed by Panchito and those blessings will continue to flow through you even though his physical presence will no longer… Many hugs and positive vibes being sent to you… P.S…. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with using your blog as personal therapy sometimes. We are family, we are community, we are here for you–always!
Oh, I’m so, so sorry, Nancy. Panchito was a beautiful soul…and you’ve written a touching tribute to your dear friend and companion. Sending you many hugs…I know your heart is broken.
Oh, honey….I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my heart. What a great friend you had. I’m sure your little guy wouldn’t want you to do anything other than smile at your memories….and I hope that time comes for you soon.
Nancy my heart aches for you. I am so very sorry for your loss.
My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers. This was a poem a friend sent to me when my dog died last summer. I hope it brings you some comfort.
Friend, please don’t mourn for me
I’m still here, though you don’t see.
I’m right by your side each night and day
and within your heart I long to stay.
My body is gone but I’m always near.
I’m everything you feel, see or hear.
My spirit is free, but I’ll never depart
as long as you keep me alive in your heart.
I’ll never wander out of your sight-
I’m the brightest star on a summer’s night.
I’ll never be beyond your reach-
I’m the warm moist sand when you’re at the beach.
I’m the colorful leaves when fall comes around
and the pure white snow that blankets the ground.
I’m the beautiful flowers of which you’re so fond,
The clear cool water in a quiet pond.
I’m the first bright blossom you’ll see in the spring,
The first warn raindrop that April will bring.
I’m the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine,
and you’ll see that the face in the moon shine is mine.
When you start thinking there’s no one to love you,
you can talk to through the Lord up above you.
I’ll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees,
and you’ll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze.
I’m the hot salty tears that flow when you weep
and the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep.
I’m the smile you see on a baby’s face.
Just look for me friend, I’m every place!
– Author Unknown
How incredibly special that you were all together when Panchito passed into doggy heaven and that his burial was such a magical moment. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and all the adorable photos…sending healing thoughts to you and your husband.
I wish that pets did have a longer life span because they are such wonderful creatures and companions. Sorry for the loss of your beloved dog.
So sorry for your loss Nancy.
I don’t think I can really express my thought, but I know that he had an amazing and happy life. Now he can forever with his free spirit and whole hearted love, watch over you in serene peace.
All of my love,
Alisha
We also lost our 13 year old furbaby this year,my heart goes out to your and your husband.The space they leave is never completely filled :(
Oh Nancy, we all read how much love you had for your furry friend, he was adorable and every time when you would post funny pictures of him they made me laugh! I am so sorry for your loss..Thank you for sharing this beautiful and touching post with us..
really sorry for your loss, I know no words will comfort you but still he is in a better place. Take care.
I’m so sorry for your loss Nancy;-( This was a lovely tribute with very touching photos.
I’m sobbing like a baby reading this post, knowing just what you are feeling. We lost our Tyler almost two years ago, and the loss still feels like it was just yesterday. I know some people don’t understand how people get so attached to their pets or why they think it equates to losing a human in their lives. I think it’s the unconditional love we received from them, and knowing that behind closed doors, when other people weren’t there, they were there to see us at our best and our worst and offer comfort when we needed it the most.
Although I only lived here and had Tyler in my life for four short years, she was in my family’s life for 18, having “grown up” with my nephews. For them, it was like losing their kid sister. I was visiting with family out of state when she took a turn for the worst, but she hung on until I got home. I only had a half hour with her, but I am so thankful to have had that time to say goodbye and be with her at the end when SHE needed me.
I will always think of Tyler the most on Christmas morning, as one of her favorite things was opening presents. She would unwrap everything and open the packages herself. I have had a few dogs during my lifetime, but none as expressive, loving, or funny as her. I truly feel your loss.
I LOVE that picture you have with all of your feet. What a cute idea! I have a casting of Tyler’s paw, but wish I had thought to do that. Sooo sweet!
Love and hugs from central NY.
it is painful…i am so sorry….
Nancy,
I am so sorry to hear about your beloved Panchito. I know that when I lost my Dashaund Max, I was heart broken. It felt like I lost a baby. I hope it brings you comfort to know he is in a better place and that he is no longer in pain. Please take comfort in knowing that his memory will be forever in your heart.
My heart breaks for you. I am so very sorry for your loss! This was a lovely tribute to your friend. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. hugs, Candace
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry, Nancy. It is heartbreaking to lose our pets, they are part of our family.
Well I know how you feel as I am tearing up reading this looking at the urn we keep our pet in. Its been 5 yrs and it still hard to believe he’s been gone that long. I am sorry to say the new pet we have didn’t match up to the love of the other but this one is just different and holds other fond memories for us now. The thing I keep worring about is going through it again, but it was worth what time we had although short the memories as your pictures show are worth every minute of the joy they brought and would do it all over again, even the pain to have them back.. thinking of you…
Oh Nancy, this is such, such a beautiful tribute to our beloved Panchito. I said ‘our’ because I felt we all knew him through your blog all this time and feel the same loss as you. I’m so sad he’s no longer around for all those hugs and kisses but I know his spirit is still alive and will be felt in your heart forever. That beautiful fawn was probably him telling you it’s going to be alright, everything’s going to be okay. My biggest, tightest hugs to you both. No, to the three of you!
I’m sorry but I couldn’t read this. I started to cry from the second I knew what you were talking about. Losing a pet is the hardest thing I ever had to go through. I lost my dad a month before my daughter was born and that was awful and almost unbearable. However your pet is with you most of the time. At least mine was. Not having them by your side, waking you with their loving faces, taking strolls together, etc., etc, is very hard.
It took us a year before we broke down and got another dog and during that year I was so sick. I don’t know if it was depression or not being outdoors on a regular basis rain or shine.
I’m so sorry for your loss. They say time heals the wounds but I can honestly say that wasn’t the case when I lost my dog. When you feel up to it get another one. It helps with the healing process.
I am very sorry for your loss. Panchito seems like he was a very happy and lovely furry friend. It breaks my heart every time I hear of someone’s loss regarding their furry friend. Our family has experienced this twice in the last 3 years. First my 11 year old golden and then my 15 year old sheltie/mix. Dogs are truly one of God’s greatest gifts to mankind. They love with their entire soul and heart. May Panchito’s soul rest in peace and may the memories of his happy life with you comfort your heart. ~ Ramona
I am so sorry for your loss Nancy… you wrote such a beautiful, emotional and sweet post. Be strong dear… whatever I write sounds so void!!! I am sending you a big virtual hug!!! <3
I love dogs, all dogs, and it makes me real sad knowing that they give to us everything they have , their love and loyalty, and sometimes they don’t get anything in return.
But Panchito was a lucky dog, he (they don’t deserve an “it”) gave and got a lot of love, he was happy and made everyone around him happy… so in your future you’ll be able to think about him and remembering all the great times spent together, you’ll laugh about them, and he’ll be with you in every moment!
I could only imagine what you’re feeling now, but I’m sure he’d want to see you happy more than anything in the world!
A dog effects and changes your life in a tremendous way… they teach us so many lessons about friendship, loyalty, happiness and joy, so we owe them happiness, even when they’re not longer at our side.
I know these words won’t be of any consolation, but I hope that someday they’ll come true! I’m truly sorry for your loss, and I wish you and your husband the best.
Oh, Nancy. I grieve along with you, as we lost our gorgeous Murray the Amazing Wonderdog on August 11. It is so hard to say goodbye to such special friends and treasured family members.
Your Panchito was beautiful… his essence shone through his eyes. You have great photos to remember him by. I especially love the one with your three “paws”.
I’ll think of you and send you love whenever my heart is missing my Murray. My best, Pam
What beautiful words. The loss of a pet is just as difficult, in some ways even more so, than the loss of a human friend. This is a beautiful tribute to your beloved companion.
I am so sorry to hear about your loss Nancy. While my husband and I do not have a dog, we do have two cats and I do think about the time when I will have to say goodbye from time to time and just the thought is painful. Panchito was such a beautiful dog! I’m glad that you have many wonderful memories with him.
We lost our Poppy 9 years ago and we are still grieving even though we have two dogs that we love very much. She died in my arms too, and I saw the light dim in her eyes, but she knew we loved her and I am so glad that we were with her at the end. She is still our life.
JudyQ
So very sorry for your loss. What a sweet pup. And it’s very clear from your writing, how much love you brought each other. That was a lovely tribute. And I wish you peace in the coming days.
He is a beautiful dog. While I know you will miss him, you may rest easy in the knowledge that you filled his long life with love and happiness. Condolences for the loss of a true friend.
I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine the heartache. Sending you love and hugs from Toronto XOXO
Dear Nancy, I am so sorry for your terrible loss. I know how important the love of a treasured pet is and that losing them is like losing a beloved family member. I hope remembering Panchito and all the fun times and looking at these adorable pictures will help you to heal. xo Priscilla
I feel your pain and send my sympathies. I lost my dog over a year ago and still have moments that get me choked up. This is a great way to honor him, it looks like he lived a very joyful life. I wish you strength in dealing with your grief. It will get easier with time. Sincere condolences.
My heart goes out to you and your husband. Dogs are family as much as any human and the unconditional love they give us is such a gift. He sounds like he was a wonderful pup. :(
Losing a pet is gut-wrenching. I’m so sorry for your loss. This was a great post in remembrance.
So sorry about your loss. I know how hard it is to lose a pet… it’s like losing a family member. Sending hugs and well wishes your way. Glad you have your husband who understands!
Lo siento mucho, Nancy. Me hiciste recordar cuando murió mi adorada Boni, hace casi 4 años. Cada vez la extraño más, pero sigo sintiendo y agradeciendo todo el amor que me dio, ánimo.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your Panchito. I know how hard it is to lose a pet/family member/ best friend… We had to put down my 16 year old dog that we’d had since I was 10 years old last year. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but looking back, my Sandy had a long, great life and I’m glad we were able to keep him from an absolutely miserable death (his organs were shutting down and it would have been a painful, drawn out end). I miss him meeting me at the door (even after he was deaf and was starting to go blind, he still knew it was me coming in the door), begging at the table, and jumping in the bed with me when it was storming. I miss him more than I ever thought possible, but we still have all the memories, so even though he’s gone, he’s still very much with us, and I’m sure it’ll be the same way for you and your husband. :)
I am so sorry for your loss. I understand the pain. We lost part of our family last summer, our Siberian Husky. Take comfort in knowing that Panchito had a wonderful and long life. You will always have the memories and that will help you get through this difficult time.
Dear Nancy,
I had tears rolling down my cheeks when I read this beautiful tribute to Panchito. I have felt the same pain many years before when my dog & companion of 14 years left us. Right after that incident my cat breathed her last right in front of me and I have never forgotten that day. So this came as a big blow. Losing two pets in a span of 3 months was something I could never handle. I have not had a pet since then, as I felt that I could no longer take the pain of losing another loved one again. Only those who have loved a pet will understand your grief. I hope you find strength to carry on with thoughts of Panchito and may they continue to cheer you up & let you know that everything will be okay. Sending lots of love your way, Shireen
Oh sweetie. I am so sorry. You wrote a beautifully touching post for little Panchito though that made me sob like a baby. I miss Panchito and I didn’t know him. I too have lost a precious sidekick and it is a pain I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Pets are such amazing creatures with such incredible insight beyond our own. I know Panchito is watching over you and misses you too. I know the story of the Rainbow Bridge helped me through the loss of my little sidekick.
What a great tribute to your buddy. I’m sorry for your loss.
Sorry to hear about the loss of Panchito, Nancy. Pets really do become part of the family and it is so, so sad when they leave us. Big hugs, xo
Nancy,
I’m so sorry, I will miss him sorely too. Panchito was meant to be part of your family. He is in doggie heaven now going on all the doggie adventures he can handle. Only wishing I could do something for you.
Love,
Gina
Nancy I don’t want to make you more sad however I can understand your pain as I ahd lot of pets and I know what one goes through …just wish god increases their years of life and lessen human as ….. dogs are more and far better than human race as they provide you unconditional love, care irrespective who you are and what you are….you beat them,, scold them they will still be the same…… take care
I am so sorry for your loss…I know it all to well. Thinking of you and your husband…
I’m so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. My daughter and I lost Koko our black poodle 2 years ago this August. He ran out of the house in the night and was run over by a car. I felt like a little piece of me died with him. All I can say is that time will heal. You will never forget Panchito but as more time passes the pain of his loss will lessen.
Dear Nancy,
My heart goes out to you and your husband – I hope the pain is quickly overtaken with all the wonderful memories of your beloved. I am including a poem that meant so much to me when I lost my grandmother – the Nanny of my life and who I was named for – my greatest inspiration. I thought of this poem for you as I was reading your tribute. I believe it is just as appropriate for the magnificent Panchito.
The Dash Poem
by Linda Ellis
I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on the tombstone
From the beginning to the end.
He noted that first came the date of birth
And spoke of the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time
That was spent alive on earth
And now only those who loved (Panchito)
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own,
The cares, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard,
Are these things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Life we’ve never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect
And more often wear a smile,
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.
So when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash.
My prayers are with you ~
Concetta
I am so sorry for your loss! I enjoyed reading your posts about him in the past and he was such an adorable dog. When I lost my cat Jingles after almost 17 years I was so upset… I know a cat is not necessarily the same as a dog, but I can understand how much it hurts to lose a friend like that. Hope you and your husband feel better soon!
I’m sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I know you’re hurting and I hope your pain will soon be overwhelmed with happier memories of all the good times you and Panchito shared.
Oh Nancy, I am so sorry for your loss… A big hug to you right now… I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you & your husband… We’ve had our little fellow for 6 years now, and I can’t imagine our home without him…. I will keep you and your husband in prayer as you go through this difficult time!
Nancy, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your words made me cry… We have our little family member (our cat) for not even a year, but I can tell how hard will be not to have him anymore. I’m sending you a big hug!
Nancy, I’m very sad and almost in tears to read this post about your loss. Panchito reminds me about my old dog Blacky. She died in my arm at one early morning. That was 13 years ago and I still miss her a lot.
Nancy…so sorry about your loss. I feel the sadness too but after reading through,I am happy at least I hve some fond memories of him through your post. , 13 years is a long time and I understand what you and hubby is going through but I am sure Panchito would want you to be happy and carry on :)
Hugs,
Elin
What a lovely tribute to your sweet pooch. Such adorable photos, what a personality!
We are so sorry for your loss.
I’m sure you’ll meet again at the Rainbow Bridge.
LL
Dear Nancy – Thank you for sharing your love and your grief. I too lost a best friend several years ago and I look for her and talk to her still today. Our precious animal friends love us so honestly, it breaks our hearts to lose them.
May the joyful memories of living with Panchito bring you solice and peace.
Von
My heart breaks for you. Much sympathy in this difficult time. We lost our 14 year old sheltie to heart failure in the spring. And our beloved cat in January to kidney disease. Both of them died in my arms. So needless to say this post had me in tears. I feel for you. It is so hard to lose our pets, they are family to us. Sending a big virtual hug your way. xx
I’m so sorry, Nancy. You certainly were blessed to have such a loving being in your life. Pets are unselfish and love completely with their whole heart. Panchito was lucky to have been loved and spoiled by you both.
Thank you everyone for all your sweet words, support, poems and for sharing your stories. It means the world.
Warmest regards,
Nancy
I don’t know you, I just stumbled across your blog by accident. However, I wanted to tell you that your post made me really teary-eyed. :( I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ll keep you in my prayers. Feel hugged!
Oh, Nancy, I have tears running down my face as I type this … you recall we lost our Pete in November and not a day goes by that I don’t think about him, miss him, and usually cry a little. Your Panchito was a beautiful boy and this tribute is all that it should be, and I can feel every word that you say … I am so sorry.
I just read your stories and my heart aches thinking how much bonding you three had built and unexplainable pain you had after his passing. I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing someone so close is really hard and I hope your day gets easier. You have beautiful memories with him and I’m sure he knows how much you two loved him. Really sorry Nancy…
Nancy, I’m so very sorry to learn what you’ve been going through while I was away on holiday, being footloose and fancy-free. Sounds like he was an amazing presence in your lives and in that sense he will never leave you. A big hug from all the way over here…
Oh! I am so very sorry that you lost such a good friend and companion! Your post has put tears in my eyes … because I know that sooner or later, I will lose my good friends Pete and Mimi and it will be so hard! Someone once said the ul;timate sense of loss is to miss a loved one before they are truly gone … the knowing and accepting is so very hard. The finality is hard too. I’m sorry for your loss … hold to those photos and beautiful memories. I’ll be thinking of you a lot in the next few days.
Once again thank you everyone for your kind words. They mean so much to me. Hold on to your fur babies and remember to spoil them and tell them you love them hundreds of times every day.
Thinking of you..and so sorry for the loss of your sweet puppy.
poor baby. At least he’s at peace now. I’m sorry for you and your husbands loss. This is such a sweet post so much love went into it. thank you for sharing
you have such a beautiful heart.
I am so sorry for your loss Nancy!!! I was away for a shot while and I could not read this post. I am in tears now. Take hart dear!!!
Thanks again everyone for your beautiful words of support and friendship.
To those of you that do not have websites, and therefore I couldn’t thank at them, thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment.
I just found your blog, tears are running down my cheeks. I’m sorry for your loss.